There aren't even any words that can express what is happening in my world. I think I used to have a grip on life, but how I lost it, I'll never know. I am not a fan of the thoughts that consume me, nor do I understand why I am consumed by them. I chose to start blogging as a way to slur my thoughts with my fingertips mainly because there is no way to express myself that makes any sense and at least this way I can be heard by only those that choose to hear me. I feel almost like an alcoholic on a week long bender trying to give directions to an imaginary place in a foreign language. I bet my metaphors don't even make any sense. I just want to mash the buttons as I type and scream while doing so in hopes that my inner turmoil can be released and someone, just someone, may be able to make sense of things for me. There surely is something going on and apparently I was not supposed to be in the know. I feel empty - and selfish for it. I have always been my own worst enemy, but this time takes the cake! Okay, I have to try this, it's pounding in my chest and my fingers are trembling...
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Alright, so that didn't help any and I am sure I have come off as completely ridiculous, but really... I will try anything to fill this void. I don't even know if there is a void. I just don't know anything anymore =(
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